The Clown and I
by Sailortales
Summary: Tavros is left alone in a cruel world, when his parents die and he is paralyzed. Tavros is left alone in a cruel world again, when his best friend disappears. He manages to survive middle and high school and as soon as he can, Tavros leaves the small town and goes to college far, far, far away from the past. But. The past always catches up.
1. Prologue

Tavro's really liked Gamzee. They meet in the 6th grade and became good friends. Tavro's was really shy and was confined to wheel chair. He never had any friends. Gamzee was weird and scary. He wore clown make-up and was constantly saying 'honk' or talking about miracles. Gamzee had sat next to Tavro's and the two had become best friends. When Gamzee found out that Tavro's had to 'wheel' himself home every day, he started walking with him. He listened to Tavro's and treated him no different from other kids. When Tavro's was eight his parents had been killed in a car accident and leaving him paralyzed. He had been in a foster home ever since. While, Gamzee listened and took care of Tavro's, Tavros took care of Gamzee, made sure he did his school work, ate food, and took his meds. During the three years they spent together their feelings grew. Though they both didn't know it, they loved each other.

The first day of high school. Gamzee, had picked Tavros and they were making their usual trip to the school, instead they would walk passed the middle school and take an extra five minutes to reach the high school. The whole time, Gamzee went on and on about the New Year, while Tavros added in a comment every now and then.

Last week all of the new students had come to the school and met their teachers, Tavros would secretly keep Gamzee at the same level as him, so they always have the same classes. Being in a wheel chair, left plenty of time for studying and reading, so Tavros was good in school not great, but not bad. It was a selfish desire, but he liked being close to Gamzee. When the two arrived at the school, Tavros felt like crying. It was so big and scary. Sure he had seen it last week but, it seemed so much more real now. Everyone was so tall, and looked like they would not hesitate to beat him down.

"Hey?" Gamzee's soft hand that was especially reserved for Tavros rested gently on him shoulder, "You okay?"

"Hm?" Tavros looked up, his big brown eyes on Gamzee's strong blackish purple eyes.

"You okay?" repeated Gamzee.

"Yeah…" Tavros trailed off, "I think."

"Well…." Said, Gamzee leaning in closer to Tavros neck. His breath was warm on Tavros's neck, "If anything or anyone bothers you, I will personallytake care of them." He leaned in closer and gently kissed his neck. Tavros sucked in his breath, as Gamzee pulled away. His face was red, his eyes were looking at his feet resting on the wheelchair platform. "Okay." Whispered Tavros.

Gamzee, smiled and pushed Tavros to the ramp, then Tavros realized what was happening and took over.

The day went by like any other first day of school and before Tavros realized it, the day was over and he was waiting outside of the school for Gamzee, Tavros waited 30 minutes, most of the kids had cleared out. He had watched the doors and hadn't seen Gamzee come out. _Had he forgotten and already left?_ Tavros waited a bit more, and eventually decided to go ahead and leave. He rolled out of the school campus and started heading home.

Tavros eventually came to the elementary school. He decided to take a small break. He sat there staring at the tall trees across the road blow in the wind gently. Tavros stared off into space for a while and soon the sun was just about to go down and the sky was a creamy pink and orange. Tavros turned is head towards the school and hoped to see Gamzee running up the walk and waving his long lanky arms. His messy curly hair wind tangled and the stomps of his feet slamming against the concrete. But, Tavros did not see that. A few leaves rustled in the recent gust of chilly wind. Sighing, Tavros unlocked his chair and continued his 'walk' home.

When Tavros arrived his foster mother was feeding the younger kids, he slipped into the kitchen and grabbed a bag of chips and soda. Tavros headed towards his room, his was a small room downstairs. It contained a twin bed, a small bedside table, a bookshelf, and a desk with a chair missing, His desktop computer was sitting on the desk, along with a jar of pens and pencils. Tavros unhooked his backpack from the back of the chair and set in down on the floor. Tavros reclined himself into his bed and lay there. Somehow, Tavros knew he wouldn't see Gamzee for a long, long time.


	2. Chapter One

(Notes at the end of chapter.)

Tavros rubbed his temples. He was tired, spending most of the night unpacking all of his stuff, then waking up and coming to a rundown café. The café was quant and worn. Weird horse paintings hung on the walls, completed with cat figurines. Tavros thought it was weird, but decide to come here anyway. This happened a lot, Tavros making stupid decisions when he was sleepy.

When, he had first entered the café a sign had informed him to seat himself. So he did, at booth set in back. A small window looked out into the parking lot, plants and cat figurines sitting on the window seal. Tavros kinda liked one of the cat figurines and was playing around with it. He was bored. Tavros played around with the cat figurine, before he got bored of that and turned to see a lanky man holding a notepad, standing in front of him.

Tavros jumped out of surprise. The man chuckled and said in a deep, but soft voice, "Can I take your order?"

The man reminded Tavros of someone. "H-how long where you standing there?" asked Tavros.

"Not long." Replied the man, "Can I take your order?" Tavros studied the man's face. Black, almost purple eyes, unruly black hair, and weird cult-like clown makeup.

"Do I know you?" asked Tavros. _I know you. You remind me of-_

"Tavros?"

"Gamzee?" 

Why was Gamzee here? Tavros was here to stay away from him. Far, far, far away. This was Gamzee. The one who left him. Left him to die, to be beaten, to be abandoned. Tavros couldn't do this. He slid out of the booth, pushed pass Gamzee ducking his head so he could avoid looking at him and left. Before slamming the door, Tavros heard Gamzee calling his name. _Don't call my name. Don't talk to me._

Arriving at his new apartment, Tavros removed his shoes and hung his keys on the wall. The apartment was small, but did the job. A small kitchen, living room, bedroom, and bathroom. All the rooms were small and pushed together, wasting no space.

Tavros sat on the floor, slouching over, holding a video game controller. He watched the game opening with mild interest.

While, playing his video game Tavros kept dying and messing up. This was abnormal for Tavros. He had spent most of the childhood playing video games or learning new tips. So, he was quite good at the age of 18. Tavros always liked playing videos games. They brought him into a new world full of fantasy and fun. He could be anyone, a super awesome hero, a villain, a doctor, an artist, anything. It was amazing. Eventually, Tavros stopped thinking about Gamzee and fell into the rhythm of game.

-END OF DISC-

Tavros had finished the disc. Looking up Tavros realized that the sun was now setting. _I spent all day playing that game?_ Sighing, Tavros got up and stretched. Rubbing his eyes, he walked into the kitchen and started fixing ramen noodles.

Ramen noodles were the only reason Tavros was still alive. Ramen noodles and snack bars, those were his life support. Tavros put the dry noodles into the boiling water and set the microwave timer for three minutes. Tavros watched the noodles bubble around in the boiling water. Using a fork, he stirred the noodles.

As Tavros stirred the noodles he thought about one thing that he had been ignoring all day; Gamzee.

Tavros was a wimp and a crybaby. He knew he immature, even though he knew it, people still liked to remind him. The timer went off and Tavros turned off the stove top. Shaking his head, he poured in the flavor pack. _Gamzee. What was Gamzee doing here?_ Tavros had picked a small college to attend after spending his freshmen year at the community college back in Derse. _This town had a population of 113. Why did he have to run into Gamzee?_ Tavros sat down, with his bowl of ramen in hand, at the small kitchen table. _He didn't have enough money to move again and he had barely gotten into this college._ Tavros wasn't sure on how to handle this, but he knew one thing; he was never going back to that café.

Gamzee was sitting in his apartment. His apartment was downtown. Downtown was… Downtown was a little sketchy. Loud rap music played in the streets. Hoarse voices yelled at each other. Rundown cars passed playing heavy music, which shock the ground. His apartment smelled stuffy and was always cold in the winter and hot in the summer. The living room, which also formed as his bedroom, was messy. Gamzee really didn't care. It got like this most the time, when he didn't take his medicine.

Slowly Gamzee got up and stumbled into the kitchen. He fumbled with the cabinet doors; opening them he pushed things out of his way and found an iridescent green bottle. He struggled with the child lock cap, but finally got it open. He poured out three pills and swallowed them dry.

Sighing, Gamzee walked back to his couch/bed. As soon as he hit the soft cushions he fell asleep. Thoughts of Tavros filled his sleep.

Today was the first day of classes for Tavros. Walking to class he had a small skip to his walk, he hummed random beats. Tavros was happy. He hadn't seen Gamzee for two weeks and was beginning to think that he wouldn't have to see him at all.

Tavros appeared at the door of the classroom. A few kids were already seated and talking. A short boy was yelling at a girl with red glasses. A girl with long black hair was using her hands and voice to tell a girl with elegant clothes something. His eyes met the back of the room. A tall, lanky boy sat in the right hand corner. He had unruly black hair and cult-like clown makeup. Tavros knew this man. This was Gamzee.

 _Why was Gamzee sitting in this room?!_

The lanky boy met eyes of the short boy. The lanky boy wanted to talk to Tavros and explain everything. To make things better. To do that you had to get him close. Close enough to talk too.

Smiling the lanky boy beckoned over the short boy. The shorter boy walked over. _Why am I doing this?_ Still smiling the lanky boy patted the seat next to him. Blushing the short boy sat down.

Tavros realized what he had down and made a move to move. But, before he could get out of his seat, the teacher walked in.

"Where you're sitting will be your seat for the semester."

Tavros sat down in defeat. _Why…?_

 **(Hey, everyone! Thanks soo much for reading. This is a little late, because I had so trouble getting started. But I've got it now. Yayy! Um, I'll try to upload every week and such… Please leave your thoughts below. I'm aware Tavros is a little out of character…I'm going to work on that next time. I guess that's it! Thanks a lot for reading! Love you, guys!)**

 **(And if can… Leave any thought down below. I want to improve this. Like a lot. Thanks, again!)**


	3. Chapter Two

(Notes at end of chapter)

The loud annoying rap music played throughout Tavros' apartment, Gamzee sat on his living room floor playing one of Tavros' video games while Tavros did the project that they were supposed to work on together. At first Tavros and Gamzee had argued over where they should do the project, they argued over a lot of stuff, Gamzee had wanted to work at the library, while Tavros insisted that they work at his apartment. In the end the compromised on Tavros' apartment, but with rap music, then after an half-hour into the research Gamzee had found Tavros gaming devices and indulged himself, leaving Tavros to do all the work. _This is why I hate him._

Tavros let out another annoyed sigh. It was getting dark and Tavros wanted some rap free time in his own apartment.

"Want to up and join?" asked Gamzee, his head still turned to the screen. Gamzee really sucked and was only on level one of a game Tavros had finished in two hours.

"No." said Tavros curtly. He turned back to the project, after a while of getting distracted Tavros stopped working and put everything up. He lay on the couch watching Gamzee fail over and over again. Even though Gamzee would let out cuss words and rage a bit about the stupid game, he never gave up.

After a while of watching Gamzee fail he had to ask, "Why do you trying even though you know you're going to die?"

Gamzee paused slightly, but fell back into the rhythm of the game, before replying. "I don't bro," shrugged Gamzee, "Maybe, because I might not fail. Cause, I could die or not. You never know."

Tavros stayed silent after Gamzee's reply. The more Gamzee dyed, the more he wanted to help. But, from experience Tavros knew that there were some things you couldn't help.

The sky had become dark and the rap music had been turned off. Now the only sound was Gamzee clicking the controller, sounds from the game or the constant fowl language from Gamzee. Tavros was hungry and wanted some food but not ramen.

"I'm going to order pizza. Want anything?" Tavros held the phone in his left hand the other looking over a menu.

Glancing up slightly, "Plain cheese?" he said almost hopefully.

Nodding in response, Tavros dialed the number and ordered a large cheese pizza. _Turns out we both like the same thing. Still…_

When the pizza arrived Gamzee took a break and ate half of the pizza and went back to trying to play the game. Tavros put three pieces in the fridge, as leftovers.

As Tavros closed the refrigerator, he heard a loud 'YES' come from the living room. Smiling to himself, he entered the room again. Gamzee sat there grinning like an idiot, the screen blinked in approval to his progress to level two.

"Good job," said Tavros, "Can you leave now?"

Gamzee blinked. His gaze moved from Tavros to the window to the clock. "Oh, shit! Sorry Tavbro!"

"No problem."

"We didn't even get to work on the project!" Tavros had to scoff at this. "I'll leave now." Gamzee gather up his things and was lead to door by Tavros, talking the whole time about how sorry he was.

"Bye Tavbro!" he heard Gamzee say as he shut the door. Sighing in relief, Tavros sank into his couch.

Pure silence. Tavros feel asleep like that, indulged in the silence.

The loud music played, the lights flashed, the girls giggled, the men yelled. Head down, hide under a dark hood, he continued to walk. His eyes shifting to avoid being jumped, his backpack swinging on one arm, his body looking relaxed but, actually tighter then a wind-up toy. Eventually Gamzee arrived in his apartment. He locked the doors and checked the windows. He sighed in relief and sunk into the couch/bed of his. Something felt wrong. Unsettling.

Gamzee had his meds, he'd paid rent, he'd—it was nothing like that. Gamzee racked is brain. His thoughts had been on Tavros even more. Wait, he wasn't. Gamzee shock his head to get rid of the thought. He got up and walked into the kitchen—not even hungry. He walked back to the living room.

This unsettling feeling couldn't-wouldn't be…love?

The next day was Saturday and the project was due Monday. Tavros blamed Gamzee for them putting it off, but really it was both of them. _I really need that grade._ Tavros didn't have Gamzee's number, for obvious reasons. _How can I contact him?_ Tavros thought of anything or anyone that might know Gamzee. But, Tavros didn't really know Gamzee, anymore and he hadn't made any friends. _There's always that café._ Tavros remember the café that Gamzee worked at in remorse. He had made a fool of himself in front of those people and they might not even give him Gamzee's number or address. _I really need that grade._ Tavros did need that grade. Really bad.

Nodding his head to give himself some sort of strength, he headed out the door.

Tavros pulled up into the café's tiny parking lot and got out. Entering the café he remembered the cat figurines and weird horse paintings. Tavros didn't see Gamzee. On the way he had thought that maybe Gamzee would be working and he could set up another time this weekend to work.

A small girl with black hair cut in short bob and sparkling green eyes was running around smiling at everyone. _She looks like she knows what she's doing._ Tavros approached the girl, "Hi, I was wondering if you know of a Gamzee…Makara." Tavros had almost forgotten Gamzee's last name.

The small girl smiled and replied in a high-pitched sweet voice, "Yes! I know, Gamzee!" nodding her head along.

"He works here?"

"Yes! Every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday."

"I take it he's not here…" mumbled Tavros. _Dammit. He really didn't want to ask for a number._

"What?" asked the girl, her head cocked to the side.

"Oh! I'm Tavros. A friend of Gamzee," Tavros forcefully played the word friend out of his mouth. "I need contact with him and I don't have his number."

"Oh!" the girl seemed generally surprised by this, almost like she knew something Tavros didn't. A smirk-like smile appeared on her face. "Gamzee doesn't have a phone. But I can give you his address." She disappeared behind a counter.

Tavros felt slightly embarrassed for not knowing Gamzee didn't have a phone. _How was I supposed to know? We haven't talked in over eight years._ When the girl returned she held a small piece of paper with unfamiliar address written with a green pen. They both said their ado's and Tavros left, leavening for Downtown Skaia.

Tavros was quite sure he took a wrong turn and ended up in Saginaw, Michigan. Because it sure looked like he did. Graffiti covered every building, homeless people slept in the alleys, and more than two times he saw a punch thrown. Countless times he considers turning back and fuckin the whole project. But, he continued on.

Tavros was driving slowly and whenever he drove by a large group of people, they would stare. His car sure wasn't the nicest, but to these people a clean white Sedans was nicer the nice. This to them meant that the person driving that car had money. Finally, Tavros found the street name printed on the paper in green pen. Turning onto the street he saw apartments to apartments. All basic tenements with low up keep. A few homeless people, but other than them, not a soul was in sight. Tavros parallel parked and got out. Tavros brought in his backpack, just in case Gamzee wanted to work on the project. The paper informed Tavros that Gamzee's apartment was on the bottom floor.

Tavros wasn't really sure why Gamzee was living in one of these rundown apartments, as a kid he always had money. More money than Tavros could ever dream of. Sure, Tavros had a little bit of money. He had spent with entire middle and high school life saving money. He also had support funds from the government. Finally, Tavros came across apartment, A19. _This is where Gamzee lives. If that girl told me right._ Just then it accrued to Tavros, that the girl could have been playing a huge prank on him. She could have known about this area of downtown and sent him here to a random place. _This could be a gang leader's apartment._ All of Tavros wasn't so opt to knocking on that door.

After 5 minutes of standing outside Gamzee's (Possible gang leaders) apartment, he convinced himself knock. Tavros knocked softly at first, and then changed to a loud knock. Tavros heard loud heavy steps coming from inside. The door swung open and a very tired and scared looking Gamzee appeared. He held a large metal baseball bat.

Tavros took a step back, his eyes wide. Gamzee looked horrible. His eyes were beat red and his black hair was more unruly than ever. His normally perfect clown makeup was smeared and messily applied.

"Tavros?" Gamzee took a step back, lowering his baseball bat. "What are you doing here?"

Tavros eyed the baseball bat. _Why did that?_ "Um. W-we never finished are project and-uh-it's due Monday."

Gamzee seemed confused for a mere second, and then seemed to remember. "Fuck! Sorry, Tavbro. I've got some motherfuckin stuff to do and it's not really a good time."

Tavros gaped at Gamzee. Was this Gamzee telling him he would have to screw the project and get an F? Inside, Tavros was angry. But, he could never show this anger to someone as tall and daunting as Gamzee. "Uh. I-um- really need this-uh- grade." Tavros looked down and his feet. Gamzee was stayed silent. Tavros stool a look up at Gamzee. He looked as if he was at war with himself.

"I mean-uh-don't worry abou-"Tavros was irrupted by Gamzee dragging him into his apartment and closing the door. "No. We'll do this," He leaned the baseball bat against the wall next to the door. "Just give me the work I need to do. We can meet up Sunday night and work on the rest."

Tavros stared at him and tried appeared Gamzee. His hair was a mess and he looked nervous. His eyes were bloodshot, as if we hadn't been getting any sleep. Tavros scanned the apartment—it was messy. Dishes were stacked dangerously high, clothes lay all around the floor, it smelled of musty week old Chinese take-out.

"Gamzee, have-"Tavros was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Both of them froze.

"Makara!" The loud voice was muffled from the door. "Open up or I'll kick this door open!" Gamzee looked scared.

Gamzee may have looked scared, but it was nothing compared to Tavros' fear. Tavros had grown up in foster homes and being bullied. He knew that anyone who talked like that carried a gun. He had never been shot with one, but threaten. "G-Gamzee," his voice was almost pleading. He hated it. Why couldn't he be brave and not always lean on someone else?

Gamzee looked at Tavros, then back at the door, then back at Tavros. Without warning he grabbed Tavros' arm and dragged him into a closet. "Uh, Gam-"

"Stay quiet and don't leave this closet until I tell you too." Gamzee looks scared and worried. Tavros nods his head. "Good." The door slams shut leaving Tavros alone in the dark, cramped closet.

Tavros adjust himself in the closet, which was in fact almost empty. A few empty medicine bottles and old towels were all that filled its bare shelves. The door swung open, Tavros froze. Heavy footstep echoed across the floor way, the voices were buoyant and loud even though the closet door muffled it slightly. Tavros knew—as soon as they stepped in the apartment—that they were made news. Hearing a few words from the conversation made him close his eyes and wish for them to leave. He heard Gamzee start something, but cut off by a loud clash. Tavros couldn't help but let out a small whimper.

Tavros knew clashes like that, someone was pissed. After some more colloquys, Tavros heard what seemed like a threat, for it was stated quite clearly. A punch was thrown. Grimacing, Tavros moved his foot. _I hope no one heard that._ The heavy footsteps echoed back to the door and the door slammed shut.

It seemed like Tavros had been holding his breath forever, he was relaxed now. Even though the danger was over, Tavros felt like he needed to heed Gamzee's warning, so he stay put in the closet.

 **Hi, guys! I like the keep chapters not too long or short, so I tried to make this one more…idk. I've already started on the new chapter, so I might upload this weekend. I'm not really sure where I'm taking this story, but I can't decide if I want it to be sad or happy. Please let me know in a review, which you'd prefer.**

 **Also, I'd like the apologies about any grammar or spelling mistakes ahead of time. Please, point out any mistakes though.**

 **Thanks a lot for reading! ;3**


End file.
